Welp, school is officially back in session here in fabulous sunny O-town. I am a mom of four and now officially have three kiddos enrolled in our fine Florida public school system. Just one three-year-old at home to contend with. Head-to-head battles regarding GoGurts and her beautiful ‘wall’ artwork. We have been in our new home for a month now, and had to get the kids registered and ready for new schools done by the skin of our teeth.
You see we planted a church over in Davenport, Florida (located in the backyard of Disney World) The Roots Community, and my kids were amazingly acclimated to their schools and friends over there. Then God moved us to a new church in Lake Nona, CrossPointe Church. No Prob. ‘Cept one thing. I may be one to adapt easily, but it doesn’t mean I want make my kids try.
I did not want to move my kids out of their comfort zone. Especially my oldest. Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s a resilient kid, real socially adept. The only thing is… he’s starting the 6th grade.
Middle school.
Now, what do you think of when you reminisce on your middle school experience? The land of pure awkwardness. Between raging hormones, pizza faces, and amazingly keen body odor for kids who have not yet discovered the healing joys of deodorant, it’s practically a social minefield. Here was my son, about to enter this, and instead of me sending him along with all the friends he knew into this new stage of life, I take him out of that comfortable environment and plop him in the middle of a school where he knows NO ONE.
What are we doing? Oh, yea. Following God.
So that’s it. I have to completely trust God to take care of and rely on the fact that He loves my child so much more than I can or ever will.
Fast-forward to a couple days ago, I’m sitting on the couch with my oldest child, and he is somewhat emotional regarding his first week in this new atmosphere. “Basically, mom, unless you were from one of the elementary schools around here, you have no friends.” His hurt and pain were extremely evident. He missed his friends, and the comfort he had in our old neighborhood. The only thing I could say was “Did God move us here? Then He will take care of you.” I went on to pronounce our new mission. “Pray for friends.” We were going to pray nonexistent friends into existence.
I left the conversation feeling somewhat satisfied, and I believe my son was trying desperately to cling to God’s promises. I wanted my son to know that he could rely on God, even if He was his ONLY friend and trust him no matter what his circumstances revealed around him.
The next morning I was in prayer time at work and it was asked if there was anything specific we could pray about. I said “Yea, my son,” and went on to shortly explain what had happened the previous night. I was ok, kinda matter-of-fact, nonchalant, but truly concerned. Others then spoke of the first week experience their children were undergoing. Then we started praying. At this point I don’t know what the freak happened other than I was immensely gripped by the Holy Spirit. Fully intending to pray aloud I couldn’t mutter a word. Tears and snot were flowing in freakish abundance from my face. Somewhat shocked by my public display, and seriously caught off guard at my emotion, I just sat there and bawled, poorly attempting to mop up my face with the backs of my hands.
So what happened? Was I so broken over my child feeling pain that I outwardly displayed hurt for him? Was I angry with God for moving my children out of their comfort zone that I suddenly felt the need to completely evacuate all make-up from my face? Had someone kicked me so viciously under the table that my eyes and nose sprung leaks?
No. Not that. I was hit by the notion that the intense love I feel for my very own flesh and blood child’s hurting is NOTHING in comparison to how God feels about me, one of His children. That pang of soreness felt deep in my chest is only magnified infinitely in the pain God feels in His chest when we hurt. When we cry out in pain for our situation, and brokenness He understands it with us. As a Father, pouring out His emotion in pure Love, wanting to comfort and be there for us. God is sovereign and all-knowing so He doesn’t react to my child’s pain the way I do. We freak out, but He’s there in our midst wanting to be our comfort and strength in our time of struggle.
There’s a saying, I personally always thought it to astronomically cheesy, “To become a Mother, is to forever decide to have your heart walking around outside your body.” Pssh, oozing cheese. (Sorry to all of you moms with bracelets, lockets, tattoos, etc. with this particular inscription lovingly honoring your kids).
Ok, Ok, I have a bracelet too; my mom-in-law gave it to me. Not the point, but God brought this quote to me during this time of prayer, and communicated this love for me. I am His CHILD. I am His heart walking around, beating, eating, communicating, living, and breathing, outside of His chest. When I hurt, when I stumble, when I fudge up: He sees it. He’s there. Loving me. The mila-fraction of the way I love my child is nothing in comparison to His adoration for me. Oh, what did I do to deserve this from almighty God? Nothing. He did it all. I did nothing. I’ve done nothing. He chose me to become one of His precious children, and I did nothing to attain it. Man, do I love my kids, but Wow, does He love us as His children so much more. God, who is able to do more than we ask or imagine.
There are some good kids in that school that God is lovingly preparing to be the perfect friends for my kid, and I’m still praying for my child to make meaningful relationships this year. Most of all I want him to know that God is his comfort and salvation in the midst of all his pain and trials, but for now I’m basking in the seriously immense unadulterated love of my Daddy in the process.
Post written by: Anitra Carbo Staff Assistant at Vision360 Global Collaboration Center and Church Planter with her husband and 4 kids.
You Can Follow her on Twitter @anitracarbo
Great post Anitra. I have been going through this with Al. I completely know how you feel and am praying for friends for all the kids.
GOD IS SO GOOD and we are so blessed to be His.
Love and miss you,
KB